who am i?

Oh geez.

I feel like 2009 is going to be one hell of a challenge. It's only the 6th day of January and I feel like there's so much I have to overcome. I've been straying away from a lot of things, good and bad. I feel like I should break my life down:

Home. Honestly, I love being back home. Sure it can suck sometimes, but I love being able to just kick it with my family, and reconnect with people here who I've lost touch with over the past few years that I've been in Irvine. Although I do get peeved by my parents often, I love spending time with them. One of the things I love most about my mom is that I can seriously talk to her about (almost) everything. Life, love, friendship, careers, the past, present, and future, and of course gossip. I know I don't talk about home as much as some people and I don't express the love and joy that I get from being here, but I seriously cherish the moments I get to spend with my family. And not gonna lie, I love being a bum. SOMETIMES. The challenge? I know my parents still see me as a kid sometimes, probably because I still depend on them for so many things. There are still a lot of things that we struggle with. My obvious joblessness. But especially my love for Liwanag & for Interfaith. There's a lot of "Didn't you graduate" or "What are you still doing there?" which is something that frustrates me a lot.

Unemployment. Well, this is quite the situation. In my defense, the job market is not so good right now. BUT again, not gonna lie, I'm still HELLA lazy. Like, I don't (always) sit around the house not doing shit. I get a lot of stuff done (most of the time). LOL. Even though I don't have a job yet, there's still a lot on my plate. Yet again, these commitments are still, for the most part, in Irvine: Liwanag, directing for mass, majority of the people I hang out with, and now my voice lessons (GL isn't in Irvine, but it's still kinda far). I'm doing things that I love to do, but this isn't bringing me any form of income. I need a job. But hey, it's only been about 3 months since I've finished school.

Music. I don't even know where to begin this. And I don't think I can even reiterate any of the thoughts I have regarding this. And I know this category has a lot to do with what I'm talking about next. I know people have questioned as to why I started taking voice lessons, and you know, I'm not sure I can explain it. There's a lot going into it. There's so much I've realized about myself during the past few weeks. I feel like I'm redefining who I've been for the past 4 years, or at least trying to not revert away from who I've been. I don't even know what I'm trying to say. I need to grow some balls. I have to push myself. And I need to find out who I am and my reason. Ahh, it'd be easier just to have a conversation about this. So, just ask me. LOL.

Faith. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I really want to have a conversation with someone about this, rather than blog. So to keep it simple, I miss You. I really need to work on being You to every aspect of my life. Especially music. It's where I found You and I need that passion back in my life. Ever since I've moved home, it's been different for me. You've been reduced to Tuesdays and Sundays and I really really really miss how I used to make You every breath that I took. I'm extremely looking forward to the first Winter quarter meeting. I've missed You and I need to work harder.

To answer my first question, who am I?
I am Yours.

chapter 1: transitions

i doubt i'm going to keep this chapter thing up. but since this is the first post coming from my new home, which was my old home, i figure this is the first chapter. well, this whole "my life is a book" metaphor doesn't really pan out. does that mean the other parts of my life were in a different book, or different chapters? but then, does that mean this new chapter isn't chapter one, it's like... chapter 4? i have no idea. oh well.

the blog title should be NEW chapter: transitions. but that wouldn't be as cool

anyways... this is my first blog from home. my room is totally ridiculous right now. seriously. it's like... my mattress in the middle of the room surrounded by piles of pants on one side, with my desk in one corner, but the place where you sit is up against the wall. my "desk" right now is my bookcase turned on it's side, with the shelves piled up on top on the other side of my mattress. at the foot of my "bed" are stacks of wood for my loft, which are lying in front of my closet. that makes it quite difficult to put my clothes in. my tv is in one corner, with no cable. aaand i have my brother's childhood artwork/school projects strewn about the room. you can see most of this to your <<=== left. i have to bags full of stuff i'm gonna try to sell to buffalo, but i doubt they're gonna take it. those picky bastards. like, i don't even know what are in those boxes anymore. a lot of them say "kirsten's crap" on them. i cleaned a lot yesterday before erwin's dinner. i wasn't even able to fit my bed before that, but i knew i had to unless i wanted to sleep on the couch. i think my room is gonna look pretty much like this for the next 2 weeks. even though i'm moved home there's still so much i have to do in irvine. welcome week tabling, servant leader mass, motp choir practices, motp, first meeting. ay. hopefully i'll clean a little bit every day. you know what is really ridiculous though? my mom keeps telling me to put stuff away, BUT i don't have anywhere to put it. you know why? because my closet is full OF EVERYONE ELSE'S STUFF. gah. i went to a wedding today. one of my brother's best friends, brian, married my brother's wife's best friend, candice! crazy. they all went to UCI too. anyways, i finally got my camera back from my parents, so hopefully i'll post pictures soon. if i can ever find the cord to connect my camera to my laptop. my uncle, who i call my cousin because he's only 20 and it's easier to say than explain how my uncle is younger than me, from japan was in town today. he's half japanese half filipino. but like... he's hella japanese washed. it's awesome. he's in a band and he plays drums. i took a picture of him and my brother and he did the fob peace signs. it was great. hopefully i'll post pictures of that soon. SO, even though i'm home now, it really doesn't feel like it yet. because i'm still all up ins the irvine mix. it hasn't hit me that I'M HOME. like, i'm sad. but i haven't realized it yet. i'm still in this "oh yeah this is awesome i get to fix up my room" phase. i do miss my apartment, especially my roommates (kathee, bellamay, abby, and you too, dean). i'm still in this weird transition phase, where nothing is settled yet. i mean, i'm sad. but i don't think i've really been SAD SAD yet.

well, i think i've blabbered on for too long.
goodnight.

<<---- this is me, being "sad" in my ridiculously messy room. oh yeah, before i leave i've got a lot of shout outs: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERWIN, ANGIE, FRANNY, KATHEE, & KAYLENE!
CONGRATULATIONS MR.&MRS. HANSEN!

another early morning

this has been my 6th consecutive early morning. my reason for being awake early today is because i'm getting my wisdom teeth out. i haven't been making a big deal out of it, but i'm actually pretty scared. not a fan of the pain.

this whole wisdom teeth thing is a part of my "insurance ends in october, so i need to take care of everything" phase. hence, new contacts and my desire to go to the doctor for my ankle & eye twitch.

i'm scheduled for 8:30, so i should really go.

peace.